Today’s post is simply a window in my end of year reflections. This year has been mentally difficult for me, as for many, but in the end, I’ve found it refreshing to have some of the façade stripped away.

As we near the end of the year, retrospection over the year feels heavier for many than it did a year ago. The reasons are obvious without needing to list each one—whirlwinds of controversy over government, health, and social decisions, as well as an unpredictable future. But when I balance my heart, as some balance their finances, I find few “reasons” to worry. The same Lord is in control; the same Bible is still applicable; the friends I have now have proven to not abandon even when “normal” is disrupted.

While many are lamenting everything they dislike about 2020’s events, I will say the year had something valuable to offer: it shattered the illusion that we are in control. We never were “in control,” really. Things just ran so smoothly that it felt like we were in control. Before, we were delusioned; we were lulled into a comfortable blindness.

We can be lulled into forgetting we are strangers and pilgrims on this earth. Having our sense of normal disrupted is a good way to remind ourselves that we are not here for our own comfort. We are here for Kingdom advancement. We are here to wage war for minds and hearts. We are here for spiritual battle.

To those who feel more empty this year, I would suggest the emptiness was there all along; we just didn’t recognize it. Now that some common self-soothing things, like travel or shopping, are not as convenient, we recognize the vacancy, there all along. 2020 didn’t bring the emptiness; it exposed it. My go-to self-soothing is probably shopping (more things) or drinking coffee (food as comfort). In reality, I should be getting to the root of my neediness (desire for self-indulgence, distractions, temporary happiness) instead of placating it with possessions. If 2020 drives us into the arms of the Father instead of the mall or airports, I say we’re better off anyways.

---

One positive choice I made this fall was to log out of Facebook and Instagram. If I want back on, I’ll log in, but removing the app format has cleared my head space so much. I am more present in quiet activities, such as reading or journaling, without being bombarded by opinions that only leave me feeling helpless and unheard.

Also, in June, I got my first dog, which has led me outdoors a lot more than if I wouldn’t have her. That contributes to feeling happy and being active. Watching her run, wide open and full of life, pushes back my tensions and makes me laugh aloud.

Continuing my education has helped time pass swiftly, as I focus on assignments instead of things in society, such as riots, that I can’t change. Working in healthcare holds before my focus the ones who have been most disadvantaged this year: the elderly, who need me to be strong for them when they are so isolated.

And most importantly, feeding my marriage, friendships, and faith has kept me grounded. I had several experiences this summer or fall, where Jesus spoke to me in words I heard within or through a perfectly timed coincidence. One instance is too precious to share, and the others I may write about later. All I need to say now is that I focused on the strength of those words, instead of the confusing circumstances through which they came.

As you review the year, what’s an unexpected gift you’ve been handed this year? Or perhaps you have a tip to better guard your mental zone, such as I did in logging out of social media? We’ve all learned something this year, either on the dark or the gilded side of the tapestry. Our roots have gone down deep, in quest of grounded foundation or refreshment. Feel free to open up and share your insight on what 2020 has graced to you.

Wishing you all a restful holiday season!

~the Bowers